The OUMMCBNOM Purity Test (for OUMMCBNOM non-virgins)

Most of our readers are probably acquainted with the unhappy phenomenon of the Purity Test, a list of questions which purports to assess the extent to which one's virtue has degenerated. The OUMMCBNOM staff realized, however, that while the purity test canon was rich and diverse, there was one obvious omission: we were completely without the tools to measure the degree to which one's moral purity had been tainted by the OUMMCBNOM! Therefore, in an attempt to rectify this terrible neglect, we proudly present the OUMMCBNOM purity test.

1. Have you ever read an OUMMCBNOM naked?
2. Have you ever seen an OUMMCBNOM without its staple on in good lighting?
3. Have you ever read more than one OUMMCBNOM in a twenty-four hour period?
4. Have you ever read more than one OUMMCBNOM simultaneously?
5. Have you ever attended an OUMMCBNOM party?
6. Have you ever read an OUMMCBNOM in an "exotic" location, or a location where you might be discovered? (in an elevator, in a public restroom, in a classroom, etc.)
7. Have you ever read an OUMMCBNOM while you or the OUMMCBNOM were tied up/handcuffed/etc?
8. Have you ever questioned the platonicity of Prudence and Camilla's relationship?
9. Have you ever fantasized about other semi-underground newsletters while reading the OUMMCBNOM?
10. Do you know what an apleyanee expert is?
11. Have you ever written a letter to the OUMMCBNOM simply becase you felt sorry for the staff ("pity letter")?
12. Have you ever suffered an injury due to OUMMCBNOM-reading which required a doctor's attention (paper cut, staple puncture, ruptured spleen)?
13. Have you ever considered wearing a Ribbon O' The Month to be sexy?
14. Have you ever read the same OUMMCBNOM more than 10 times in a single night?
15. Have you ever used drugs or alcohol to reduce others' resistance to reading the OUMMCBNOM?
16. Have you ever read/written the OUMMCBNOM while under the influence of drugs or alcohol?
17. Have you ever seen Fifi naked?
18. Have you ever seen Fifi clothed?
19. Have you ever used a non-traditional object (kitchen appliance, etc.) to enhance the pleasure of reading the OUMMCBNOM?
20. Have you ever read the full text of an OUMMCBNOM article?

Calculating your score
Subtract the number of questions to which you answered "yes" from twenty (the total number of questions). The result is the percent of your soul still untainted by the OUMMCBNOM.


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