Dear Prudence and Camilla

Dear Cud and Pam,
I miss you. Your lacking cogent prose left a gaping void in the most recent OUMMCBNOM (or was that where my gerbil shredded?) I don't want you to go insane. I really care about you. Could you send me an autographed picture? I have been wondering what you look like. I'll bet other readers would want to see what you look like, too. If you ran pictures, maybe other fans would also write.

Your friend,
Lazlo from Loyola

Dear Lazlo,
We cannot express the profound gratitude we feel for you. Your letter was the first drip of rain in our letter drought; we are sure that, in a little time, streams of letters will pour across the savannah and to us. As you may know, we have found employment at Big Al's Shrimp Hut and Charter School, where we are teaching French. Therefore, although we will not be able to devote the same amount of time to our jobs at the OUMMCBNOM, we feel that our experiences at Big Al's will leave us richer in wisdom to share with you. You will find our pictures, drawn by the students at Big Al's, at the end of this response. Thank you again for you letter!

Sincerely,
Prudence and Camilla

(Now, a letter from before we returned)

Dear Generic Advice Person,
My friend has a problem. Last week, he suddenly spontaneously combusted and imploded at the same time. He is now splattered all over the sidewalk, in smithereens. I told him he needs counseling. He grunted. That's all for now.

Sign me,
Devasted in Detroit

Dear Devasted,
We have one word for you: club soda. It will get out those nasty stains on the sidewalk, which will surely be a comfort you and your neighbors.

Au revoir!
Prudence and Camilla


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