Volume 4, Number 2, Page 3

Deep Contemplations

otherwise know as "Me"
	I know that it has been quite sometime since I added my two cents to the
OUMMCBNOM and I'm sure that some new subscribers have never heard of this
article before.  A description: my babble.  I was pondering the necessity of
a mission statement for the OUMMCBNOM.  I began subscribing before they even
cared about  a mission statement and I will continue to subscribe even after
they choose one (even if it is not mine).  Just because Berkley High needs
one doesn't mean that this beloved newsletter is in need of a mission
statement.  I think that the most wonderful aspect of the OUMMCBNOM is that
it has no mission.  There is no point to this newsletter.  It was begun
without a mission, just for fun.  Why not continue that successful tradition?
	I was happily sitting in English class the other day and began to daydream
about talk shows.  Not talk shows about transvestites, cheating boyfriends,
or the biggest slut.  No, I was thinking about all those makeover shows and
how to get my teachers on them.  Remember how some nameless students (Jordy,
etc.) made fun of Mrs. May's fashion style?  I think that it would be pretty
interesting to see them on Oprah.

Oprah:  Jordy, why do you think that Christine May needs a makeover?

Jordy:  Well, Oprah, you should have seen how all the other students
"flipped" when she wore that I-Hop outfit.

Just call me "Dominique Francon".

A Mission Is Chosen! Yes, thanks to the vision of one very special OUMMCBNOM subscriber, the OUMMCBNOM now has a mission to fulfill: "Our mission is to increase the Jello-o-like substance in our readers heads and yet help them remain living, breathing, non-functioning organisms. In addition we would like to suck the Jell-o-like substance out with a handheld vacuum and eat it at teatime with Prudence & Camilla, in effect leaving the subscribers as nonthinking..." The talented author of this mission is Jessica Jacobs! Ms. Jacobs was interviewed by the OUMMCBNOM staff immediately after being informed of her triumph. OUMMCBNOM: Ms. Jacobs, how do you feel about having had your mission chosen to represent the OUMMCBNOM? Jacobs: Proud. OUMMCBNOM: It took a long time for this contest to be completed. Were you very nervous waiting all these months for the results to be announced? Jacobs: No, because I don't recall having written that mission statement. I'd written two, and only one of them I remembered, so I didn't know that this mission statement was mine. OUMMCBNOM: What message would you like to give to those subscribers whose missions were not chosen? Jacobs: Better luck next time. OUMMCBNOM: Is there anyone who helped you achieve this success whom you would like to thank? Jacobs: I'd like to thank Amy Kohn for her entertaining anecdotes during physics class.

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