Dear Prudence and Camilla, This is the Magical Grapefruit of Love. It has been bequeathed upon you by someone who thinks you are really cool. This person might be your boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, pal, homie, Hausfrau, neighbor or someone else you don't even know. This person finds you rather interesting, possibly even attractive, and just generally thinks you're a pretty good excuse to be alive. Whether this person actually IS attracted to you is another question. This is merely a token of affection for you to wonder at and appreciate. The proper response, upon receipt of the Magical Grapefruit of Love is a hug, or a message of thanks, if this person is too far away to hug within a week of receipt. Basically, the Magical Grapefruit of Love is a way to say "Hey, you're really damn cool, and I want you to know that." Sorry if you were disappointed that there is no actual citrus fruit contained in this letter. Unfortunately, at the time of writing, that miracle of science that allows grapefruit to travel through telephone lines had not been perfected. But be consoled by the fact that someone thinks you're really a rockin' guy/gal, and would most likely help you out if you had a flat tire somewhere in the same state (or within a one or two hour radius, depending on the size of your state). The sender of the Magical Grapefruit of Love only asks one thing of you-- (besides the aforementioned hug) that you bequeath this Grapefruit of Love on someone else. The Magical Grapefruit of Love grows in power as it is shared, and someday you may recieve this Magical Citrus Entity again. Send it on. Remember the elation you felt the first time you recieved it? If you send it on, you may feel this again. This is not a chain letter. Nothing bad will happen to you if you don't send it on, but think of the bright spot it might put in the day of someone you think is extra marvelous. From, Big Al P.S. I miss you guys!
Letters To The Editor Dear Ed, I'm Pud and Cam's Secret Admirer. It's me Tilde Man! I love them! I just have one question, are they male or female. Either way, I sent more provocative pictures. (I'm naked.) ~~~ ~ ~ ~ CENSORED ~~ ~~
A Letter From The Editor I would like to take this opportunity to give my monthly apology for the tardiness of this issue. However, we have truly let things get out of hand-some of you may have noticed that this is the June issue. We have no plans to go out of business, but it would be tremendously helpful to us in this difficult time if you could do the following things: 1) Write letters to Pud and Cam 2) Write letters to the Editor (#1 and #2 can now be done through e-mail! Write your letter to KTBecker@aol.com and it will be forwarded from there) 3) Write very long articles about anything you want and submit them to us. 4) Vote for your favorite mission before Novermber 25 5) Write lyrics for the YUB Lyrics Contest 6) Do our homework for us Thank you for your assistance. I will monitor your progress and we will speak again next month.
OFFICIAL ROUND TWO MISSION STATEMENT CONTEST BALLOT After carefully reviewing the choices, I honestly believe that the best mission statement for the OUMMCBNOM is: A B C D E
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