OUMMCBNOM readers, beware! If the right to bear arms is abridged, as many people hope that it will be, not only will your right to own guns be taken from you, but your right to bear nuclear arms is also in danger. The right for a private citizen to have their own nuclear weapons is vital to maintaining American democracy, and so it is important that this right not be yanked from our constitution. Please wear the attached ribbon, so that all can know of the dangers faced by nuclear weapons lovers all across the country-hunters, collectors, and people who only wish to protect their homes from similarly equipped neighbors. Wear this ribbon, and protect your right to bear nuclear arms!
Just a friendly reminder to vote for your favorite OUMMCBNOM mission statement before Thursday, May 18. If you have already forgotten what they were, please read the following summaries. 1) Mission 1 is a witty acrostic of the words "OUMMCBNOM MISSION". 2) To suck jell-o-like substance out of subscribers' heads. 3) "If we write it, you will read." 4) To give away little mermaid band-aids and coloring books. 5) To suck money out of our subscribers. 6) Mission 6 is a complex statement with four points. 7) To keep the OUMMCBNOM staff busy. 8) To help hippo artists display their work. 9) Provide subscribers with foster care, adoption, or institutional care.
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