Volume 3, Number 7, Page 5

The OUMMCBNOM Mission Statement contest!

The entries are in, and its time to start the voting!  Below are all of the
submitted mission statements, which have been appearing in the OUMMCBNOM for
the past nine months.  Read them over, think carefully about which one best
embodies what you see as the proper mission of the OUMMCBNOM, choose your
favorite, and fill out  the form at the bottom of this list and return it to
an OUMMCBNOM staff member.  The winning mission will appear in all succeeding
OUMMCBNOMs.  May the best mission win!

Mission Code Number "1"
 Outrageous, and

 and to

 Issues of our day
 Serious even
 If they are
 Only the
 Natural nonsense of our foolish world."

Mission code number "2"
 "Our mission is to increase the Jell-o-like substance in our subscribers'
heads and yet help them remain living, breathing, non-functioning
microorganisms.  In addition we would like to suck the Jell-o-like substance
out with a handheld vacuum and eat it at teatime with Prudence & Camilla, in
effect leaving the subscribers as nonthinking..."

Mission Number "3"
"If we write it, you will read."

Mission code number "4"
"Our mission is to find excuses to give away our surplus of Little Mermaid
band-aids and coloring books."

Mission code number "5"
"Our mission is to gradually suck all the money out of the subscribers who we
first addicted to the newsletter at its original low price."

Mission code number "6"
"The mission or goal of the OUMMCBNOM is to provide a newsletter that
reflects the ideas and minds of its readers.  The purpose of the OUMMCBNOM is
to: a) entertain, b) inform in a manner suited to its readers, c) provide a
place where odd minds can express themselves, and d) become and emissary for
social change."*
*What the Body Shop hopes to be.

Mission code number "7"
"Our mission is to keep a few psychotic young girls busy so they don't do
things even stranger than writing this newsletter."

Mission code number "8"
"Our mission is to help young hippo artists display their artwork."

Mission code number "9"
(Based on the Jewish Family Service Child Placement and Adoption Mission
"The major services for subscribers provided by our newsletter are adoption,
foster care and institutional care.  These services are utilized when it is
determined that the subscriber cannot remain with his/her/it's birth
parent(s) or legal guardians in one household.  The OUMMCBNOM is committed
through its subscriber placement work to ensure that the subscriber is reared
as OUMMCBNOMish in and OUMMCBNOMish environment or in an environment which
will foster OUMMCBNOMishness.  This does not apply in designated adoptions
where the service may be provided to non-OUMMCBNOMish clientele.  The best
interests of the subscriber will be served in any placement."


Handy, Easy To Use Mission Statement Form

1)  Find a writing utensil
2)  Circle the Code Number of your choice for mission
3)  Remove Handy, Easy To Use form and return it to staff member
    before Thursday, May 18 1995.

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