Volume 3, Number 6, Page 7

Dear Prudence and Camilla; Letters to the Editor; A Letter From the Editor; Mission Statement of the Month

Letters To The Editor

Dear whoever wants a letter, I like you and I want to be your friend. If you have no friends, than [SIC] this letter is for you because you need a letter. Goodbye. Dear Editor, Hello. We would just like to comment on the courage of those two intrepid columnists, Prudence and Camilla. While they have shown their bravery in countless other ways throughout the years, looking those Congresspeople in the eyes and saying "Yes, the President had an affair not only with us, but with a moose" really took guts. Prudence and Camilla should be commended. Sincerely, Poodence and Camelma

Dear Prudence and Camilla

Dear Prudence and Camilla, In case you cannot recognize this because you have forgotten what a letter is, due to your lack of them, I can relieve your confusion. This is a real letter to "Prudence and Camilla", from a happy subscriber and fan! Holy garbanzo beans! It's true. I do not know exactly why I am writing this letter. Perhaps it is an act of extreme pity, or maybe my hand has been abducted by aliens who are forcing me to write. Whatever the reason, I hope it pleases you, and that no cardiac arrests have been caused by my doing so. I suppose that I do have some advice to ask you. You see, I have an embarrassing problem. Well, more of a compelling fantasy, actually. I have this longing, this need to go sliding down a giant spoon into a humongous bowl of green JELL-O! (It must be green.) I dream of swimming around in that cool, slimy substance (whatever it's made of), and wishing never to leave. Shhh, please don't laugh. I think I really need some help. If you could, in any way, aid me in overcoming this fetish, I would be eternally grateful. I may even go as far as submitting another letter. Your Friend, E. M. E. Dear Emu, Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! If you cannot tell, we really appreciate the letter. (Ed. is never going to hear the end of this, is (s)he?) In response to the problem you posed: We think that what your subconscious is trying to tell you is to write more letters to-us! By coming up with a situation as absurd strange unique as the one you presented, you forced yourself to write to us. Now, it wasn't that bad, was it? To avoid excessive thoughts about green JELL-O, simply write us more often. Listen to what your inner self is telling you. Don't worry, we do it all the time. We have to go now and eat dinner. Our lime JELL-O is getting fusty. Pud and Cam

A Letter From The Editor

Well, I hope that you have enjoyed this issue of the OUMMCBNOM. Again, I apologize for its unexcusable tardiness. Remember that the mission statement contest will soon be over, and if you have a mission to submit, now is the time to do so. The deadline for submissions will be Tuesday, February 1. Also, do not forget the exciting GOBRFRL. I hope to see you there!

Mission of the Month

Mission code number "9" (Based on the Jewish Family Service Child Placement and Adoption Mission Statement.) "The major services for subscribers provided by our newsletter are adoption, foster care and institutional care. These services are utilized when it is determined that the subscriber cannot remain with his/her/it's birth parent(s) or legal guardians in one household. The OUMMCBNOM is committed through its subscriber placement work to ensure that the subscriber is reared as OUMMCBNOMish in and OUMMCBNOMish environment or in an environment which will foster OUMMCBNOMishness. This does not apply in designated adoptions where the service may be provided to non-OUMMCBNOMish clientele. The best interests of the subscriber will be served in any placement." MICHIGAN TEEN DEMOCRATS (now known as the Oakland County Teen Democrats) MEETINGS ARE HELD EVERY FRIDAY AT 7 PM. (Not anymore, Sundays, every so often) FOR MORE INFORMATION, WRITE TO KT BECKER@AOL.COM. OUR NEXT MEETING, WITH GUEST STATE REP. MAXINE BERMAN, WILL BE FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 24.

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