Late Fall Edition, 1994 Buy now and receive free staple! Volume 3, Number 6
It is the OUMMCBNOM arriving, like Odysseus, terribly late but returning to pathetically loyal subscribers who have been patiently awaiting its arrival for all of these many months. After many battles and journeys into strange lands, Pud and Cam, the editor, and all the rest of the OUMMCBNOM staff are here to tell you their tales. In this issue, Pud and Cam will finally reveal what happened when they went to Washington. You saw their testimony on C-SPAN, but this is your only chance to get a behind-the-scenes look at what really goes on in the nation's capital. In addition, we having a startling expose on the issue of whether or not people are really stupid. Pud and Cam and the Editor regret to inform you that they are still nearly letterless. Is one small letter too much to ask? We want no more than five minutes of your time. You waste much more than that in school each day. Use some of the time when your teacher tells you to "just do whatever" to write to Pud and Cam. Or during the 25 minutes spent on attendance, you might just spare a little time to write to the Editor. As for the number of surveys that were returned, we don't even want to talk about it. You should be ashamed. Go sit in the corner and think about what you have done. In other news, it is predicted the Rodent Literacy Campaign will be facing financial difficulties in the coming year. Much of its funding comes from government grants, and it is feared that these grants will be eliminated by newly elected Republicans, who have been have been heard saying such things as "Literacy is really of little importance, and in the end will do more harm than good." Fifi, the OUMMCBNOM's only staff marmot, is planning a special appearance at an upcoming OUMMCBNOM event for the cause. Please look for more information on this later in this issue. We hope that you enjoy this issue of the OUMMCBNOM!