Dear Prudence and Camilla, A mighty hello! I just wanted to take a moment to share my experience with last issue's happy subscriber, E.M.E. I, too, had a "compelling fantasy" similar to that of E.M.E.'s. Mine consisted of racing through my yard wearing nothing but a loincloth made of lettuce leaves. Anyway, I found that the only way to quench my desire was to indulge in it. Hey! So the neighbors complain! At least you rid yourself of that horrible feeling of want and need! Just my advice, though. P.S. If you do indulge, make sure there's no fruit in the Jell-O. You could hurt yourself. Fondly, Andrew Sigman
Letters To The EditorDear Editor, It has come to my attention, after receiving my late winter edition of your little paper (much later than everyone else), that I never, ever received the mid winter edition. I, unlike certain other subscribers (Andrew Sigman), paid for my subscription to your newsletter, which is obviously filled with subliminal communist propaganda. After bringing up this rather important subject to your less than courteous staff, I was prompted to write a letter. Just because nobody writes to you, doesn't mean you should withhold their paper simply to get a letter. You people make me sick! I expect the money from my subscription returned, all of my next editions to be delivered to me the day they come out, a full apology (both in person and in print), and I expect that all involved parties are to be fired promptly. Jared DeWitt (No connection to the MI militia.) P.S. Expect your OUMMCBNOM offices to be firebombed. Dear Mr. DeWitt, Your capitalist blather makes us sick, as well. However, we believe you will be happy to find that this issue and the previous issue were delivered directly to your doorstep, still hot off the Xerox machine. As for the matter of firing our staff members, well, that is the job of the staff apleyanee expert, who tragically perished in a bathtub accident last year. We were not able to replace the staff apleyanee expert because, as you know, there is a shortage of trained apleyanee experts looking for jobs today. Now, those of us involved in the whole affair cannot really fire ourselves, can we? We apologize sincerely for any inconvenience this may have caused you. Thank you for your letter. Dear Ed, I think we need a YAK contest. I think this because some former hippo contest winners have gotten hairier and have now [SIC] look more like yaks. I don't want to name names but Melissa is one of these people. Melissa Furball Sincerely, Andrew Sigman A Letter From The Editor I hope that you have enjoyed this edition of the OUMMCBNOM, because we put a lot of time into making it especially for you! Please remember to do the following: a) Write a letter to Prudence and Camilla b) Send in your vote for OUMMCBNOM mission statement c) Write a letter to the Editor d) Send a monetary donation e) Send a literary donation Thank you. We'll see you next issue!
HELP WANTED Apleyanee expert needed for small, semi-underground newsletter. Must have experience as apleyanee expert. Please send resumes to: KTBecker@aol.com
The Oakland County Teen Democrats is an organization founded earlier this year which seeks to involve people under the age of 19 in politics through a combination of work for the Democratic party and candidates believing in the ideas of the Democratic party, social events, and work for our community. Recent meetings have been attended by guests such as Maxine Berman, David Gubow, and Gil Hill. We also recently held a basketball tournament, a scavenger hunt, and a fourth of July barbecue. Upcoming events include: Saturday, August 5, 10:30 AM Teen Democrats' Golf Outing Sunday, August 6, Time TBA Trip to Garden Park of Holly Sunday, August 13, 2:00 Discussion of essay on liberalism Sunday, August 20, 5:00 Fundraiser dinner for parents For more information on these events or on the Teen Democrats in general, please write Kate Becker at KTBecker@aol.com.
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