A metaphorical piece written jointly by Amy Kohn and Jessica Jacobs.
Once upon a time, a group of squid took up residence in the center of a large oblong room. They wanted to be like octopi so they threw themselves onto a large ice rink in the middle of the room. There they discussed the merits of leadership, and whether Ms. [a name has been deleted here to protect the innocent OUMMCBNOM printing office staff] was, in fact, Satan in a skirt. One little squid named Ymama agreed that she was indeed Satan and proceeded to perform the superior dance. "Can't we go home?" she pleaded in lilliputian despair, but just then, the dreaded Saminator approached. They all fled in terror. The Saminator, an extremely obese buffalo, told all the squids to go back into the center of the room and form statues entitled "Satan: A myth, or a teacher at Berkley?" "Yip! Yip!" cried Ms. Parnes in exasperated glee, and all the little squids rushed back to their original places. They the broke off into color groups where they designed their statues under the helpful tutelage of Eissej-the lambada goddess. Eissej slowly approached the Saminator who was eating a very large chocolate bundt cake. "Take me in your arms and dance with me, my grande hombre," she demanded. "Well, uh . . . Okay!" the Saminator replied pleasantly, and he and Eissej lambadaed out of the room. Meanwhile, the squids had formed the most beautiful sculptures known to man. One sculpture was of Neeruam, the domestic engineer married to the Saminator. Another resembled Nadroj, a large cockroach that had just entered the room. As the Saminator grabbed Eissej, she stabbed him with a turkey pounder. He fell to the floor and mayonnaise spewed forth from his orifices. It was then that the most wonderful statue of them all, the one featuring Nadroj being sacrificed to the Tsitsi god, erupted into flames that consumed the room. The squids were fried to a crisp. Satan suddenly appeared. She sprinkled Molly McButter on them and ate them for Sunday brunch. With such a delightful meal, she lived happily ever after (except for a short period of indigestion). Mrs. Parnes' life is another story . . . The End?
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